i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
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