i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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