this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I lost the right to judge tonight
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
