how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
