Buhtt sex?
no you cant smoke seaweed
bring money and cleavage
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
