she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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