fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
