I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
All I want is dick and wine.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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