I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
