I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
