sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
