i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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