four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
