I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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