You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
