you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
