I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
