I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
