Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
