Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
