call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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