i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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