I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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