if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
how does that bad decision feel?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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