Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
