Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
