booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
