Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Semen is not good for contacts.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
