My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Randomize
