just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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