I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
