We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
