4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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