Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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