I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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