Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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