I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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