Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
