Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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