i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
