I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i dont even know how to be here
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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