So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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