He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
