Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
