Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
