I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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