There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
