okay pat passed out under dana's car
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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