he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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