God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Randomize
