I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
