I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
