I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
