He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
