You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
