i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
