i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
