he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
